Dog days

Gaylen Hansen, Dog and Magpie, 1989

Magpie: Cawk it’s hot! Even my feathers are sweating. I’m just going to keel over and die from this heat.

Dog: Yawn. It’s the dog days of summer.

Magpie: That’s quite odd. The dog days? I think not.

Dog: Scratch. Scratch.  Yep.

Magpie: Hmm. .  . (stands on one leg) Now that you mention it, I recall they are more commonly called the “Magpie days of summer.” Yes. Yes. I know I’ve heard that somewhere before. . .oh, my friend cawed to me about it last week. (Whew! I could fry an egg on my beak it’s so hot!) Of course, it’s the Magpie days.

Dog: Actually, I’m right on this. Definitely the dog days.

Magpie: Oh doggone it (stamps claw)– is everything always about you?

Dog: Hey, I didn’t have anything to do with it – it’s an ancient Greek thing. Blamed the “dog star” Sirius. Got too close to the sun. Didn’t you see my post about Roman dog sacrifice on my FB page?

Magpie: No, FB’ s just annoying. Seriously, you have a star and a whole couple months of summer named after you? (cocks head) For all your lying around and tired panting? Lazybone’s like. Really there’s no reason to name something after a bunch of drooling, lazy good-for-nothing’s. I’m calling them the #Magpie day’s of summer. Tweeting it right now. Magpies bring #good luck. What do dogs bring? Only #fleas.

Dog: And dead birds.

Magpie: Gasp. Cawk! Flutter.

Dog: It’s the dog days Magpie, just google it.

Magpie: Nope, don’t like google watching me. If you ask me, the “Magpie days of summer” sounds better.

Dog: Lacks alliteration. (Stands to leave)  It’s too damn hot to squawk about it.

Magpie: Certainly is not. (ruffles feathers, cranes neck high) Really this is too unfair. . .